Of a bear
All of a sudden, M3 became inexplicably attached to a teddy bear.
I am baffled because I do not understand the appeal. It is one of those bears with indistinct features, sitting with its feet spread wide, like the ones in shop windows that stare at you. It even has a polka-dot ribbon tie. For one thing, it does not look comfortable to cuddle. For another, it looks rather judgmental.
But M3 has become deeply attached to it. He looks for it first thing in the morning, takes it with him out of bed, and searches for it whenever it goes out of sight.
“Meow,” M3 says, tightly cuddling the bear.
“This is not a cat,” I try to explain. “It’s a bear. B-e-a-r. Roar.”
“Roar,” M3 replies.
This unexpected change in species does not seem to bother him.
These events reminded me of the time I became very upset because my dad broke my foam seal. I must have been around twelve.
I too had become strangely attached to this plush toy seal—attached enough that I lashed out at my dad for breaking it, and still remember the scene decades later.
Why is it that, as adults, we lose this experience?
To be sure, our attachment to material things does not disappear. But it does change. We are no longer attached to simple, mundane animal figures. We transfer our attention to gadgets, clothes, household goods, or whatever else it may be.
But what is it about being a toddler, or growing out of childhood, that changes us? Why does the teddy bear or plush toy no longer move us in its simplicity?
There is a deeper change. The love itself, and not merely its object, changes with age. I may be delighted by a new device, or even excited by a new dishwasher, but it is not the same tenderness that warms the depth of M3’s heart.
It seems to me that this is a profound loss. Is not the unexplained tenderness we can give to simple things a gift of life?
As I thought these thoughts, I was teasing M3 by taking the bear away from him and holding it just out of reach.
He shouted and cried in distress.
He did not look happy about that at all.
Seeing his red eyes, I gave him back the bear.
Then I held him for a long time.